August 28, 2007

Hindsight

I'm here to whine about my eyes again.

Why is it, ever since I succumbed to the inevitability of non-optional appliance-enhanced eyesight, I am painfully aware of the need to read in many places I had not before even realized I was reading? (That is a horrible sentence. I think I will leave it and dedicate it to my dear friend eb. She collects such things.)

Take the kitchen, for example. I didn't think about needing eyeglasses there. But I do. Recipe ingredients, measures and instructions are a blur without them. If I squint, I can still set the oven temperature accurately but forget about reading a thermometer. Are you aware that standing near a pot of boiling pasta will make your glasses fog up? When will the humiliation end?

Shopping has also become a "glasses required" activity. Supermarket, drug store, office supplies, even shoe shopping! Anything I pick up, there it is. Tiny little print I cannot read despite squinting until my face resembles a prune. Don't even get me started on restaurants! Freaking menus are all printed with blurry typefaces. Hardware stores are another place where the fine print matters.

Of course it would be no problem if my glasses were always handy. Shopping now includes a routine, which, when prepared for and performed properly, ends happily with glasses perched helpfully on my nose when I need them. Unfortunately my preparation lacks consistency.

This is payback for all those years I mocked my sister, my dear sweet sister who has worn glasses since age two. She had to put up with me, all cute with my blond Shirley Temple curls and dimpled smile, always flaunting my better-than-perfect 20/15 eyesight. There she was in her awkward light blue cat-eye frames or, worse yet, those enormous frames from the 70's with the thick lenses, totally tauntworthy by no fault of her own.

So, dear sister. Please accept my apology. I take back all the eyeglass-related jokes and insults I've thrown at you over the years. My imagined superiority, by now well bruised and battered into proper proportion, has taken its final death tumble.

Karma's a bitch.

.

17 comments:

Chelle said...

I was sitting here reading with my laptop threatening to slide to the floor because my glasses were sitting on the other side of the room when your post smacked me upside the head. The glasses are now perched on my nose and the teeny tiny print of your blog is _much_ easier to read.

Translation - I feel your pain.

Hahn at Home said...

I had 20/20 until 44...it's killing me...I so took good sight for granted. I have to have the child read the labels now...argh

weese said...

mine are around my neck when not on my face.
i don't care how it looks... its convenient.
it used to be that i just wore them around my neck at work.
now they go on in the morning and come off at night.
its sooo much less frustrating.

kitty litter said...

i buy them in bulk at Costco. I have a pair around my neck and one in my shirt top, at least 2 pairs in each car, a couple at the restaurant,a pair in my briefcase and 5-6 in various places in the house. There are still times i'll be out and find myself without tho and either have to cease and desist on the shopping or run into CVS for yet another pair.

Zoe said...

Yep, I hear you. I've had bifocals since I was 7, but I don't usually wear them. But my issue is not so much that I can't see, but that I have a lag of focus so my eyes get tired quickly.

KellyNerd said...

I survived and triumphed over my eyesight problem via a credit card and new Prada glasses! ha!

sporksforall said...

Just wear them. I know, it's yucky. But you don't need to worry about needing them if they're on your face.

Gina said...

Ain't it though?

the only daughter said...

All glasses. All the time.

tiff said...

Oh - I hear you. I used to haveto wear glasses, until my right eye got more farsighted and my left eye got less enarsighted, and now I use one eye for reading and one eye from driving. The only problem I have is watching teevee, when BOTH eye want to work together. Talk about annoying. :>

Never EVER thought I'd get to the point where I was squinting that things, trying to read them, but I am (IF I use my right eye). Sigh. I'm only 45! What terrors await when I'm 60, or 80?

Mel said...

Oh, you're turning into the kind of lady who wears her glasses on a chain around her neck! Can a lacy cardigan be far behind?

jules said...

This is hilarious - only because I'm LIVING with someone going through the same pain as you, SubLes. :) My partner complains about restaurant menus (I offer to stand across the room and hold them up for her - she is less than amused), can't read a supermarket label to save her life, etc. That's when you need a gf who still has 20/20, or at least carries your glasses for you. Either will do. It works for us! Now when *my* eyeballs start to go (I'll be 44 this year, so I figure it's only a matter of time), I think we're in trouble. ;-)

maxine said...

You can always go the "Those aren't my glasses, that's my headband" route.

Jennifer said...

Mine are always around my neck or on top of my head, too. Plus, I have a pair everywhere it's remotely possible I might need them. An extra in my bag, a set in the car, a spare in the desk drawer, a pair on at least one surface in every room of the house.

And still there are times I can't find them when I need them.

It drives me insane.

agoodlistener said...

You all put me to shame with all your spare pairs. I have one pair of glasses and that's it. Something happens to them, I'm done for. I'll be at the mercy of sighted servers, 20/20 retail clerks and prescription bottles with that teeny tiny print. SubLes-glasses are a fashion statement! Another way to express yourself! Embrace them!

Sarah said...

What Goes Around Comes Around...oh, yeah, karma is a total bitch. I'm sure she accepts your apology, though. You were kids..what do you know when you're a kid? I mean, you think you know everything...but you really know nothing at all LOL.

Gunfighter said...

Karma IS a bitch... and then you get LASIK.