January 9, 2008

Every Day is Christmas

We've been away. We're back now. I hope I didn't completely miss Teresa's White Elephant Party.

How excited I was when she proposed a blogging White Elephant exchange! How many different items I considered! How many mental blog posts I wrote and dismissed!

A whole herd of them, that's how many.

Then we got a box in the mail. It was a cool box with interesting things inside. I am fascinated by one item in particular. Fascinated and repulsed at the same time. It's an interesting sensation.

It's an ashtray. Normally I don't take issue (outside of guilt for smoking to begin with) with using an ashtray for its intended purpose. But this ashtray is different. Take a look:


One may think a woman such as myself with seemingly slight potential of being non-atheist, decidedly undecided yet somewhat superstitious, could get a kick out of that ashtray and indeed I have. I have laughed, paused, laughed again, pondered, shared with others, and done it all over again.

Still. It kinda creeps me out. There is no way in hell I can ever put a cigarette out on Jesus' face. In fact I can't even bring myself to use it as a change holder or a place to store my paper clips or any number of other things an ashtray can be used for besides stubbing out a cigarette. I can't explain why. I just can't do it.

So, gentle readers, the line forms to the left. Be the first to call dibs on this uniquely spiritual and practical item. Perhaps you have a collection of Jesus memorabilia. Perhaps you need something on your dresser to corral pennies. Maybe you just need an ashtray. (Can a smoker have too many? I think not.)

Postage is on me. Privately send me your address, which I will use once then shred in my brand new Holiday Shredder. It cross-cuts even.

Please. Somebody. Anybody.
Consider taking custody of this item.

Jesus saves, or so I've heard.

.

23 comments:

kitty litter said...

O Good Lord......

Anonymous said...

Wow - I think that ashtray would be a straight ticket to hell. I think I will pass...

j said...

Is it bad for a Jew to really really want that ashtray?

WenWhit said...

LMAO @ J.

Martin said...

Oh, man. I was totally going to beg for it but I think j should have it.

eb said...

Hey, I'll take the Jesus ashtray back! As a non-smoker, I believe my compliance with Jesus' wishes will be good on my Heaven resume. It just might counteract the whole 'homo' issue.

I notice you're not adding the matches that I put with the ashtray to this little give away. Did you use those? You know...Jesus hates that.

Val said...

Hey, thought you couldn't put up an item that someone who reads your blog, would see. Might hurt their feelings or something???!!

Apparently, EB is ok with it, though???!!

Jennifer said...

Oh my god.

Or something.

There are no words.

Although I'm not sure even that could stop my evil ways.

eb said...

Gosh. Think of all the implications if no one would want the ashtray.
Could you put Jesus in a drawer? Could you put him in the.....closet? And would Jesus be equally upset that you don't want to look at his image? Would you be able to throw Jesus away?

I'm almost considering taking back my take-back offer just to find out what you would do with Jesus.

WWSD-WJ?

WordsRock said...

J, I think Ashtray Jesus would be more than pleased to join your family. Let me know.

Martin, you shouldn't smoke.

I guess I didn't read the rules close enough, Val. :)

eb, are your feelings hurt? I hope not! But I don't think I should send it back to you. It would just be a constant reminder of my rejection of your gift. I think I must find a fresh, new home for Ashtray Jesus.

jennifer, are you smoking again too?!

NerdGirl said...

too funny!

Martin said...

I don't smoke!!!

Jesus hates that.

eb said...

Rest assured, my feelings are not hurt. It's your ashtray now. Do with it what you will. I'd rather it go to someone who wants it. But, if no one wants it, I would like it back and I promise never to think about how you rejected me.

Sarah said...

Wow, what a .... beautiful gift someone gave you. LMAO!

agoodlistener said...

OMG! Literally.
I should give it to my Kathy.

Martin said...

mine, mine, mine, mine.

mine, mine.

MINE, MINE, MINE.

SassyFemme said...

LMAO about not being able to put a cigarette out on Jesus' face. I couldn't either, it'd feel like waiting for lightning to strike.

nina said...

I hate being late for a party...

I hope jesus found a good home!

CEDARFLAME said...

I have a question. Just where would someone buy something like that?

Jennifer said...

So, are you away again? Have you lost interest in us, too busy slogging through the slush of the big city?

eb said...

I bought it in Austin in a funky store called Tesoros. They mostly sell kitschy, Mexican folk art stuff. But also Jesus ashtrays.

https://secure14.inno-tech.com/tesoros/
results_lg.php?productid=905.

Jerseygirl89 said...

Oh my god, part of me really wants that ashtray. But since I actually still smoke (oh, the shame!), I can't handle it. I couldn't use it either.

Eyes said...

Too funny! I'm surprised that it would bother you LOL!