July 7, 2008

I'm 45 Years Old

I thought I knew myself. I thought I had an understanding of, and yes, even an appreciation for, my body and its womanly ways. It's been a pretty good body as bodies go, serving me well without demanding an extravagant price.

But I'm aging. Strange and bizarre things happen to women as they age. Strange and bizarre things are happening to ME. Oh the ignominy, the horror, the downright inconvenience of it all. (My mother never warned me. Did yours?)

Who hasn't laughed at a joke about women having hot flashes? I have, heartily. I'm not having hot flashes (yet), but I am no longer laughing. Recently I began recognizing manifestations of perimenopause, the precursor to menopause, in myself. A woman needs to know these years can be fraught with symptoms even more odious than hot flashes.

My memory, never stellar, balks. My ability to concentrate, really focus, is questionable and at times non-existent. Attention to detail? Forget it. Multi-tasking? Not today! All that effort I made to get through the empty nest trauma phase? At times it feels like The Boy departed yesterday rather than six years ago. And all I want to do is sleep, even if it is a sweat-soaked sleep. Am I depressed? Am I losing my mind? Why no, I'm perimenopausal! So nice to meet you.

A new pattern has emerged. No longer is my cycle as regular as clockwork, oh no no no. Now it turns in some twisted dysfunction of its former self, crippling me with inventive hormonal agony until my body decides to give me a break.

A friend nods and says with a caring tone in her voice, "Oh dear, someone needs to bleed."

Yes. Please?

.

26 comments:

the only daughter said...

Welcome to the...party(?) :)

SassyFemme said...

This getting older shit sucks sometimes. But, as my mom used to say, it sure beats the alternative.

weese said...

tee hee

Lee said...

where's our damn hut??

Val said...

Deborah lies. It ain't no party. More like a club. A club that you never had any urge to join. EVER!

But it's nice that you have LOTS OF COMPANY!

Sympathetically reading and nodding along!

kitty litter said...

been there, done that.

Sharon said...

I think I'm going to print your post out, highlight the relevant parts, and take it with me to my doctor's appointment next week.

You pretty well nailed my symptoms when you started talking about memory and irregular periods.

Good luck and know you're not alone

t-sav said...

Do not know of what you speak....seeing that you are SOOO much older than I am ;)

nina said...

yeah... there it is... all written out...

the only consolation i can see in my aging process is that my eyes are also going...

nina

robinww said...

Hate to tell you...but it probably won't be over anytime soon.
I'm at 5 years (at least) of this crap and counting...

Chapin said...

Welcome to the club. I joined just a few weeks ahead of you. If I'm a slow learner we can compare notes.

agoodlistener said...

Um...Happy Birthday?

Hahn at Home said...

My memory has gotten so bad that I was talking to my best friend the other night and didn't remember what I'd said. She reminded me the next day. Do you remember what you said? No, said I. You said, "I am going to ddddddddiieee of hot flashes - it will be the first case in the medical annals. Call me in the morning and make sure I'm not incinerated ashes on the patio, huh?"

Greetings to All, said...

Love the blog...followed the trail over from Hahn at home. The girl has good taste and her picks are always a good bet when I take a moment and get out a bit.

I am going to stay in denial about my personal experience with this subject until it is no longer humanly possible to do so.

Peace y'all,
Your newest subscriber

Robin said...

I'm 45 too, in solidarity.

CHEWY said...

I came over from Hahn too.

Mom died before I reached peri. I have no sisters. I asked Dad at what age did Mom go through "the change"? He said, "she was young". That did not help me at all!

I dreamed of the day I would stop bleeding. Now I kinda miss it. Hmm? NO, no I don't miss it.

Great blog.

SusanGabriel said...

I love the honesty of your post. And you write really well, too. Keep it up.

As for the perimenopause, I see it as a temporary thing. But from some perspectives, even life is temporary, right?

All the best,
Susan

gunfighter1 said...

Um... Hi Suzanne.

Sorry friend... I got nothin', here.

Pat said...

I'm 52 and just started this "change." I like to focus on the word change because it implies movement and growth...in this case to a time when I won't have to deal with the #@!% monthly bleeding anymore!

Can't wait till it's over!

Wendy said...

I was diagnosed with endometryosis (sp) when I was very young. As a result I was put on lupron shots which puts your body into a false menopause. Trying being 13, starting highschool and dealing with hot flashes, mood swings, crying then blowing up all over nothing. Yeah, good times. And now I get to do it for real in a few years. Do we get some kind of price if we have to do it more than once?

tiff said...

Turned 46 this year. As a present my body gave me two periods in one month. It's been three months since then and nary a spot.

Hot flashes, yes. Sucky memory, yes. All that.

Yet somehow, the libido lives on. Thank GOD.

KMae said...

Oh Babe!
It's all just the tip of the "iceberg." Or I should say the edge of the inferno!
I'm now 61 & I STILL get the frickin' flashes (which I hate to mention cause the lovely night sweats. So you're getting them.)
But it is all definitely WORTH not bleeding your guts out every month!
For me at least.

Rita said...

Eeeek! I am only three years younger than you so please don't start talking about menopause!!

Say it aint' so???!!

Anonymous said...

You turned 45 and disappeared?! Are you ok?

Robinww said...

I'm just echoing the comment above. Are you ok? I've been worried about you for a while now. It isn't normal for you to be so quiet. Come back to blogdom, please!

Jul said...

My mom actually DOES warn me about these things...she's a rare breed who can rock a bikini at 50, and still look good in it.