Teach Your Children Well

There are many things my mother taught me. There are many things my mother did not teach me. One thing she never taught me is the how when where why and what of cleaning dust from a lampshade. I had to learn that for myself.

You may exclaim, "Ridiculous! The how when where why and what of cleaning dust from a lampshade is always one of the first skills taught to a daughter by her mother!"

Or perhaps you may snicker, wondering why I think special training is required for such a simple task as cleaning lampshades. Is that pity in your eyes? Good. Because I kid you not. For the longest time I did not even realize lampshades were something that could be effectively cleaned.

Don't get me wrong. My mother's lampshades have always been immaculate. It's mine that were a mess. I lived for years in ignorance. I'd watch the dust and dog hairs collect as three dimensional sculptures emerged, angelic and fluffy yet with a diabolical air. The lamplight grew ever dimmer despite higher wattage bulbs. Oh sure, I'd dab at it here and there with the duster (not effective), apply a damp sponge (really not effective), I even tossed them in the tub with a splash of Woolite (seemed like a good idea at the time). Out of sheer apathy frustration, I learned to live with those layers, opting to call it part of my decorating scheme.

But I didn't like it. I mean, who would? I'm not a neat freak by any stretch of the imagination, but I do enjoy dust-free surfaces.

As an empty-nester, I finally had enough free time on my hands to address this important issue. I wrapped my logical mind around it and figured out how to effectively keep our lampshades looking presentable. No no, the solution was not to eliminate them from our abode. It also wasn't to wrap them in plastic. The technique I now employ has been deemed, by me of course, a family secret. It is simple and effective, perhaps the same technique passed down by mothers to daughters everywhere. Just not by my mother to me.

Now if I could just get a handle on practical upkeep for venetian blinds. Can anyone pass me a clue?

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