January 21, 2007

"Yo! Pseudos!"

At present, I know more gay and lesbian people than I ever have before. When The Boy was younger, I was often the lone blip of homosexuality in our heterosexual world. By choice? By circumstance. Interesting times, those. It was all good.

These days I'm surrounded. It's been gradual, this expansion of my cultural vista. It's not sole source, either. I meet lesbians and gay men so often, in such a variety of circumstance, it has almost become commonplace. We are everywhere.

A rumor hit the mill that two friends, heterosexual females, were "hooking up" with each other. Surprised me enough to merit a raised eyebrow while rousing my curiosity. Who doesn't love a little titillating gossip now and again! And of course it was titillating. Since when is news of any two friends of any gender hooking up not titillating? It could be love! Or at least good sex.

Turns out the rumor was true. Not only were they hooking up then, but they are still a couple now. It's been over a year. At what point does "hooking up" turn into "having a romantic relationship" turn into "Hey world, I'm gay"?

Wendy pinned the nickname "pseudos" on those friends of ours, a term of endearment if you will. Are they lesbians? Situational? Transitional? Who knows? Them least of all, maybe. Does it matter?

Wendy and I are fortunate to have friends who span generations. Some are solidly heterosexual, some solidly homosexual. Others are trying to figure out who they are. Toss in a handful who have no fucking clue and all bases are covered.

What's a friend to do when a friend switches sexual teams? I know what my "friends" did when I traded up. Many of them fled. A few adapted.

I'm an adapter. A friend is a friend. Life is hard enough without stressing over something as basic as who someone loves.

.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, I couldn't agree with you more. I'm an adapter too and I'm one of those women who "traded up". :-) I had a relationship with a friend that didn't last, unfortunately, and it really has split some of our friends since we broke up. I think a couple are freaked out enough not to want anything to do with either of us. That's life, I guess.

Anonymous said...

"Life is hard enough without stressing over something as basic as who someone loves."

....ahhhhhhh truer words were never spoken!!! Can we hear a rousing....Aaaaamen to that!!!!

Rainwolf said...

Aaaaamen sister.
I don't know why people get their panties in a twist about it. If it's not hurting you, why should you care?

Anonymous said...

A friend is a friend so long as they have a heart! You obviously do :)

Rural Lesbian said...

I love the term - Psuedo. It is the perfect term I have needed in the past to describe my lesbian friends who take up with st8 or bi women. These new women are going to now be called psuedo-lesbians.

They are not really lesbians, but they play one on TV!

Gina said...

It doesn't really matter to me one way or the other. If I had a straight friend who decided that she was actually a lesbian, I wouldn't forsee me ending the friendship because of that. I mean, straight women and lesbians can be friends, right?

Anonymous said...

Great post!! I've lost a few friends along the way but most of them have adapted.
"A true friend will take you the airport in the middle of a blizzard."

Anonymous said...

Cheers to adapters and to friends !!!

Anonymous said...

I'm blessed with friends who are adapters.

Anonymous said...

The adapter friends I've had have REALLY wanted to talk to me about it. I'm always happy to help. Talk that is. No tips or techniques. :)

Val said...

great post. i totally agree. Adaptation is good! :)

Anonymous said...

yup... i have to agree with the majority.
tho, Chapin - a true friend would give you a cocktail and talk you out of flying in a blizzard :)

Kat B. said...

Oh friends, friends, friends, friends! Where would we be without them? Luckily, when you get to reestablish yourself in a new place, you get to pick and choose your friends with the known identity that you're gay. It's much easier than having to come out to all those people who have known you for years.
Hooray for adapters, hooray for transitioners, hooray for clean slates. :)

Elizabeth said...

And...a true friend would not laugh at you for being such a dumbass for thinking airplanes would be flying in a blizzard. Well, maybe they would.

But, in the spirit of the sentiment, I think a true friend is the one who would get you out of jail. Not that I have ever gone to jail or plan on doing anything that would get me in jail. I did get detention once, in seventh grade.

Dealing with sexual identity is a cake walk compared to getting someone out of jail. If they can't deal with your sexual identity then you know your ass would be rotting in jail.

Bent Fabric said...

I've lost friends, but I've gained better ones.

alice, uptown said...

If a friend can't adapt to who you've become, what kind of friend is she?

~Deb said...

This just proves that love can happen to anyone. Love doesn't discriminate. Great post!

Anonymous said...

Liz here from I Speak of Dreams.

I knew about "hasbians" -- women who no longer identify as lesbian--seems to have been a 90s thing for college-aged women. And I know several folks who have, in your phrase, switched teams. (We've been using that locution for quite a while, as in, "ooohh, he is cute, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't play for my team.")

It will be a great day when who you are sexual with doesn't matter anymore.

The deal is, though, people who switch teams after having kids...it is hard on the kids, as the team-switching implies the death of the family of origin.

And as a str8 woman whose husband abruptly filed for divorce (for reasons other than sexual orientation), I sure found out who my friends were.

triticale said...

As a str8 male who found myself here tracking the numbered list post, I like the phrase "traded up". I've heard going the other direction referred to as having "changed her luck" and always thought it globally judgemental.

Anonymous said...

I recently 'lost' my man of 8 years...to the woman that was currently in a 10 relationship with another woman. (his work partner)...I didn't see it coming...he gave me no clue. In early April he and I still affectionate etc...April 9th he disappears...May 5th he was married to her....The one thing I realized all three had introduced themselves to was....Prozac....The other woman..(work partner of my "ex") is still his work partner and accepts it all..I of course was 'shut out' completely...and did not even know he married until after the fact. He had been sober 2 months when this all came down (yes, an alcoholic to boot)...Does this sound like extreme behavior...OR is it possible I was dating a man for 8 years I didn't even know?