October 14, 2006

Up In Arms

Do you like the look of your arms? I haven't been enamoured of my own in years.

My arms used to be something truly special. I clearly recall my stepmother telling me admiringly on more than one occasion, "Suzanne, you have perfect arms!" Of course it was in jest, but not total jest. I did have good arms in my youth, near perfect to my legendary memory.

Years passed as years tend to do and my arms aged along with the rest of me. From the elbow down, they still look good. I say this with no exaggeration: my forearms are fab.

From the elbow up, well that's where it gets scary. Tone and shape have disintegrated into classic middle age upper arm flab. The pudgy flesh sways gently back and forth like a hammock swinging betwixt two trees. Or is it more like the jiggle of a bowl of jello? Either or and both. I haven't worn a sleeveless anything in more years than I can count on both hands. A little self-conscious, you say? Indeed. I used to have perfect arms after all.

When my stepfather died, we were the beneficiary of first choice of his yard tools. One of those little gems may be the upper arm savior I so desperately need.

Behold The Pogo! This device splits logs like a knife through butter. It works with a pump action by lifting then driving the handle downward which propels the wedge into the log. It's like a sliding hammer. Guess which muscles get used? That's right, those flabby ones that run down the back of my upper arms!

It's so much more pleasant than splitting wood using wedges and a sledge hammer. No missed targets, no flying or stuck wedges. No bending over to retrieve and reseat the wedge or log. No harsh jarring of my aging joints. No danger should the dogs want to hang around to help. It's efficient, smooth, and damned effective.

Nothing gets me quite as excited as productive exercise and accomplishing more than one thing simultaneously. There may be hope for my arms after all.



Gina said...

And here I thought it was gonna be a picture of your arms.

At least the forearms, anyway.

I used to have really good arms, too. Not so much anymore.

Boo7 said...

LOL one of the things I have come to enjoy so much about reading your blog Suzanne is your perpetual "...glass is half full..."/"...when life gives you lemons...make lemonade..." approach to life...it's refreshing and great to read with more than the occasional giggle thrown in as well....and reminds me that life is just too damn short to be too damn serious!!!



Oh and I love reading about the boy too!

KMae said...

Ye gods, my upper arms???
They used to be beautiful too!
My legs as well.
Now my thighs are
not great.
But I think it all can get better if I just keep going to Curves.
Loosing weight makes stuff jiggly...
I am grateful, tho.
Everything still works, even with the creaks!!!
Have you looked at your damn neck lately??
I am appalled at mine.
Have mercy!

Anonymous said...

Those would be your triceps, Suzanne... and mine... well, I'd have to say they are pretty good.

Problem is; it's tougher and tougher to be in the gym with the young 'uns tossing the weights around as I get older.

Patchwork Poet said...

I'm 51 with 16 month old twins. Since their birth, I have been sleeping in their room - I'm afraid I won't hear them if they wake up crying. I read, by flashlight, before I go to bed, so I don't wake them. The first time I did that, I about freaked out. When I lie on my side and hold the book up, gravity does its job on my arms and the flashlight picks up every single wrinkle. My arms looks like my grandmother's by that light, but they look normal during daylight activities. Sheesh!

the only daughter said...

Man, I wish I had a Pogo and wood that needed splitting. Those kickbacks with the hand weights get a little boring after number 1002.

Anonymous said...

Suzanne, I've just had a wood burning stove installed and will have to get to work soon on those pesky logs. I'm in the UK and wonder where I could buy a Pogo? Is there a name for the firm that manufactures them?

weese said...

interstingly, we also split wood this weekend.
we found it very gratifying.
tho we do not have a Pogo.

~Deb said...

"...The pudgy flesh sways gently back and forth like a hammock swinging betwixt two trees."

Oh my sweet Lord! I was starting to think you have seen me in a sleeveless shirt! Then I read on. I feel your pain... Totally.

Hagan said...

My name is Hagan and I run The D Train, a DC Blogger website. I was writing to you because you showed up on my referrer from the DC Bloggers blogroll. Thanks for the love! I started a new site called Interficio.net and it's a DC watergun assassination tournament beginning November 1st and ending November 25th. The game is played with waterguns 24 hours a day for the duration of the tournament. Survive the longest and you win. $1,000 cash prize to the winners along with a trophy, a night of free drinks, and bragging rights for 364 days. Thought this would something that our demographic would be interested in. Check it out if it sounds like fun to you!

chapin said...

I want one of those Pogo things and I don't even have a need to split firewood. I'm trying to figure out if we could somehow include it in my PT routine.

sporksforall said...

I have good forearms. They're not as good as scout's. Scout's, when she waited tables, could make me just faint over. So strong.

Upper arms (mine) are not discussed. In fact, I might divorce them.

Cathy said...

Hello, (Step)Sis! I found your blog quite by accident this morning. Not like I ran into a tree kind of accident, but more like I was goofing off on the net and ran into you kind of accident! I was doing completely unrelated surging and couldn't have been more surprised to find you than if I'd met you on a street corner in Hanoi! Okay, maybe that would have been more surprising.

Anyway, Suzi, which I think I can still get away with calling you, I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog. I have to admit to wasting several hours of my precious work day scouring your archives. You are an enchanting writer and it makes me quite jealous!!! But then, I've been jealous of you for one reason or another since I was 13 (your perfect arms and butt didn't help!).

Holy cow, though, I choked up when I read about your mom. It brought back the fear I felt when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago, a fear that never really goes away, no matter how many times the doctor says the cancer is gone.

Hugs to you and Wendy.

WordsRock said...

Anonymous, the Pogo is manufactured by DuraPro. A quick google search found several tools of similar ilk. Perhaps you'll find one out your way!

To the rest of you with imperfect arms: it's good to know I'm not alone. :)

Barb, thank you!

weese... what's your method? I envision a gas-powered wood splitter...

Cathy! Knowing your mom beat breast cancer gives me hope for my own--and has since I heard of my own mom's issue. Damn girl, it's been far too long. I miss you.

WenWhit said...

Hmmm... you would think Cathy would be jealous of that fabulous basset hound in addition to your perfect butt and arms! *wink*

And it HAS been too long.

weese said...

ha. gas powered...ha.
we used an axe, a sledge hammer and a wedge. just like the old days.