December 12, 2005

You Better Watch Out

Doesn't everyone know at least one person who has been Naughty this year instead of Nice?

Personally, I think the whole lump of coal thing, while appropriate to humanity historically and deserving therefore of at least momentary consideration as a holiday offering to those who have earned such recognition, is outmoded.

A lump of coal for a naughty person at Christmas is as out-of-date as my grandmother's size ten mink coat had become. My mother had that mink coat transformed into something equally as impractical as a size ten anything in our family: a teddy bear. I kid you not. Somewhere in the good old US of A is a place where new life is breathed into old furs coats that we larger modern relatives never have a hope of fitting our larger modern selves into. I think it's just across the bay from the Island of Misfit Toys.

The mink teddy bear sits on a couch in her formal living room. While it may seem a teddy bear in a formal living room is entirely out of place, Winston fits right in.

Yes. My mother named her bear Winston. It's a family thing.

I came across the ShizaGram, that is, I think, an acceptable modern gift alternative for the Naughty people in our lives. This gift item has the added appeal of being completely impractical, unlike a lump of coal that can be used in a variety of ways by a Naughty person with imagination. It can be burned for heat. Or used to write on the sidewalk. Or launched as a projectile at an unsuspecting stander-by.

Then again, the ShizaGram can be used those same ways. But it sure shouts "Naughty!" more than any old lump of coal ever could, doesn't it?

I'm making a list.
Should you be on it?



Elizabeth said...

Well now...ask about bra inventory and the world is at your door. Ask about how to prepare potatoes? You've got your pulse on what is hot in blogging. I'm sure potatoes were way popular at Technorati that day.

But ask about who has been naughty? Shhhhhhhhh. Did you hear that? That's the sound of nothing.



I, for one, have been very naughty and it's been oh so nice.

Go ahead and send me some poop... the shrubs need fertilizing.

Suzanne said...

I was thinking that same thing, eb!
Evidently only Nice people read my blog... oh, and you of course. :)


Melodee said...

I'm leaving a comment because I can tell elizabeth is concerned about the vast silence here . . . That's all.

A said...

I'm more concerned about the whole poop being sent through the mail thing.. cause all I can think is 'biohazard'!