I feel like I'm in a holding pattern. There are many tasks awaiting my attention, but I'm not particularly inspired to tackle much right now. Oh I've skirted the edges, done a bit of planning, but in reality I'm sliding by doing a whole lot of nothing.
Outside of helping my mom, that is. When she calls, I jump. I'm determined to be there for her as she adapts to the changes life has dumped on her.
But am I doing the right things?
I'd like to say yes, yes I am.
But part of me says no, no I'm not.
Wendy and I spent Saturday night and Sunday working around her house, doing things she needed done. Then Wendy went home and I stuck around for another night because she wanted me there for a meeting on Monday. All good so far, right?
But when she excitedly asked if I was going to watch Desperate Housewives with her, I said no. I went to bed instead, because it is what I wanted to do. Yet instead of going to sleep right away, I lay there feeling guilty for not keeping her company while she watched the show.
I know she's spending lots of time alone. Watching TV alone, cooking and eating meals alone, taking out the trash, sleeping, making the bed, doing laundry, sweeping the porch, watering the plants, and on and on with the endless cycle of tasks that make up life on this planet. Yes she has family. Yes she has friends. Yes she socializes. But no one is there to keep her company or lend a hand at home.
Knowing that, I still couldn't find it within myself to put off my personal quiet time long enough to watch a TV show with her. Instead I selfishly left her there alone, watching by herself.
Sure, I'm doing things for and with her, but am I doing the right things? I wonder.