December 10, 2006

The Eyes Have It

Turns out reading glasses have revolutionized my humble existence. Everything is easier. Why did it take me so long to conform? (Stubbornness chafes more often than not. I should give up that habit.)

It has not been easy to develop appropriate routines for proper eyeglass usage. Like remembering to always have them at hand, when to put them on and take them off, the exact position to perch them on my nose so I can peer successfully over the top, and how to keep them safe and accessible in my travel bag. Circumstances dictated I follow the advice of similarly handicapped individuals and purchase multiple pairs.

Circumstances being because I broke the one pair I owned. That's right. It took me less than a month to snap an arm off. Dainty fragile little things, my reading glasses. Now I own four pair.

I broke them at work. (Don't ask how, the story is too ugly to share. It was brutal.) Off I traipsed to the local CVS on my lunch hour to purchase a replacement pair. I grabbed two instead. The blouse I was wearing that day partially influenced my color choice: one pair I selected perfectly matched one of its colored stripes. I emailed Wendy a one-liner upon my return to the office: "I bought some really sassy glasses today." Her response: "OMG you bought PINK glasses!?"

The other pair is plain black. Or so I thought until I pulled them out of the package. That's when I saw the white scrollwork down the earpiece. The bright office light glinted off the rhinestones. Oh no. No no no! Pink glasses I can handle. Black with rhinestones and white florally decoration is beyond my limit.

Chalk up yet another practical application for a black Sharpie. It even did an admirable job of masking the rhinestones.

I threw the broken pair away.
Ten minutes later I picked them out of the trash.
I taped the arm neatly back on with scotch tape.
They'll live in the bathroom and no one but me will know.

Well. Wendy will too.
But her I can trust to keep my secret.



Anonymous said...

Liz here from I Speak of Dreams. Reading glasses are like scissors or toilet paper.

You go to [any ol' big box cheapo store] and buy enormous quantities of said items, and stash 'em ever'where you could possibly need them.

No kidding -- my last glasses purchase I bought 3 blister packs of 4 each.

I forget how much they cost but they were cheap.

I have 'em in the car, I have 'em in the can, I have 'em in the kitchen. No need to look, just put 'em on, read, and take 'em off.

Life is much better when they are all around.

Middle Girl said...

Luckily (?) as an everyday, every minute of the day-needing glasses-on my face, usually means I don't lose them.

Break them..yes. Minimum 2 pair required.

Tape, yes. Sharpies, no. Well, yet.

What a marvelously inventive solution to correcting the error this is rhinestones on glasses -ack-

SassyFemme said...

Sassy glasses = pink?! ROFL! You know, even I would NOT buy pink glasses. Actually I won't buy anything other than sun glasses - which, btw, must always be tortoise shell, not pink! :) I'm still of the squint hard enough to try to see it belief. Of course, now I'm also at the ask "Fran what it says" stage.

WenWhit said...

Your "secret" is safe with me, darlin.

Thank God the pink wasn't neon...

Anonymous said...


I think we have been blog pals long enough to confess something, here.

When I was reading the part about rhinestones, I couldn't control myself, and burst into song at my desk, causing no small amount of curiosity to the boys in the cubicles outside my office door.

I guess none of them ever expected to hear me sing "Rhinestone Cowboy".

Anonymous said...

I'm with Deb....needing glasses from the moment I wake up to the moment I lay my head down's hard to lose em!! Now remembering to travel with an extra pair....that is a different story.
It's a big fear for us almost blind folks!! One time when I was away from home and broke the only pair I had with me....would you believe I found someone who would come to where I was staying and fix them on the 3 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon???? I was stunned, very happy mind you, but stunned nonetheless!!! Sometimes the planets do align JUST right....:)

Anonymous said...

several pairs, yup yup...
What is also great when all your friends are around our age - if you go to their houses unprepared there are always several pairs laying about to borrow should you need to read something.

Anonymous said...

Longtime lurker coming out just long enough to say how much I enjoy your blog. Today I am laughing at your post almost as much as I laughed about the TP survey/project.

That project dovetails nicely with my wish that there are no ice trays or electrical cords in heaven. (Of course, if there are ice trays, I know that I will be the one filling them! Please note that this makes allowances for some large assumptions on my part.)

Thanks much for your fine writing, the laughs provided, and the thoughts provoked.

sporksforall said...

The drugstore variety doesn't have this feature, but if you ever break down and actually fill your prescription, the Flexon miracle is worth consideradtion. They bend and don't break! Sort of like weebles with the whole wobbling/not falling down phenomenon.

Anonymous said...

I had to buy two 3 paks at costco (19.95 each package) they come with 3 cases...yet i still dont know where they are half the time. I finally had to go "librarian look" and get a string around my neck at the office

KMae said...

Ahhhhh, rinestones & scrolly flower patterns!! How Miami Beach retirement community, Dawling!! Don't change them, keep them around the house for some great laughs.

I have a whole drawer of old readers coming up from 125's to 375's. I give them out to friends who suddenly can't see boarding pass seat numbers!

Unfortunately they don't make them in my perscription now, hence I gotta get 'em made.

Anonymous said...

I've been fighting the cheaters but my arms just aren't long enough anymore. I'll keep in mind the fashion advice and also purchase more than one pair.

jo(e) said...

I've got about a dozen pairs scattered about -- in my purse, in my backpack, near my bed, on my desk, in the car, etc.

But I still often find myself needing a pair and not having any handy.

I am getting close to the string around the neck .... it's come to that.

Anonymous said...

Not in the top 100, but it's "traipsed" not "trapsed".

Fun blog.

Anonymous said...

If only I could purchase more pairs of glasses at a whim! Unfortunately, my glasses are the expensive prescription kind.
About that secret... I dont know if I'll be able to contain my need to gossip!

Suzanne said...

I had no idea such things were available in multipacks! Thanks for the tip, y'all.

No, eb, I did not sit on them.

Sassy, I think you'd like these pink glasses. :)

Bill, glad to know I inspired you to song! Glen Campbell is an oldie but a goodie.

Bick, welcome and thanks. :)

jo(e), I'm close to the string myself!

Anon, thanks for the spell check. Seriously.

Kat, seriously girl, surely you have some better dirt to spread around!