40 Questions

A meme. Seen everywhere, swiped from here: Jennifer's Open Book.

1. My uncle once: was a figment of my imagination when I pretended to actually have an uncle.


2. Never in my life: have I seen a long-legged sailor and his long-legged wife.


3. When I was five: I was much more adorable than my sister. She wore cateye glasses and had plain brown hair. I was a Shirley Temple look-a-like, except cuter.


4. High School was: a blur.


5. I will never forget: anything, as long as I remember to write it down.


6. I once met: a strange old man on a city street who predicted, because of the way my shadow fell on the sidewalk, that my life would be filled with joy and good fortune. So far, he's been right on the mark.
   


7. There's this girl I know who: captured my heart.


8. Once, at a bar: my friends and I did so many lemon drop shooters, the only thing I remember about the whole night is laughing hysterically while we carried a toilet down the stairs and out to the curb. (Don't ask.)


9. By noon, I'm usually: ready for my afternoon nap.


10. Last night: I watched baseball and ate popcorn with my girlfriend. We adore quiet evenings like that.


11. If I only had: a few more children...


12. Next time I go to church: it'll be for a wedding or a funeral, guaranteed.


13. Terry Shiavo: a goddamn shame.


14. What worries me most: is that something tragic may happen to The Boy and I'll be powerless to fix it.


15. When I turn my head left, I see: the textured wall, several of those hard-to-kill houseplants I adore and several other houseplants that have also proven hard-to-kill, my sister's painting of Mother Tara, the goddess of compassion.
    


16. When I turn my head right, I see: the inside of our new front door (have I mentioned I'm in love with our new front door?), several more of those hard-to-kill houseplants I adore, The Boy's framed headshot beside a lamp on a side table.


17. You know I'm lying when: my mouth is moving.


18. What I miss most about the eighties: The Boy as a toddler.


19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I'd be: the First Witch in MacBeth.


20. By this time next year: I'll have lugged sixteen more tons.


21. A better name for me would be: Patience. Mwah.


22. I have a hard time understanding: religious fanatics.


23. If I ever go back to school, I'll: study literature and English.


24. You know I like you if: I tease you.


25. If I ever won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: the presenter of the award.


26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: Einstein, Beethoven, Kathryn Hepburn & Hillary Clinton.


27. Take my advice, never: judge a book by its cover.


28. My ideal breakfast is: sourdough toast, spread thickly with margarine and apricot jam, topped with a sausage patty.


29. A song I love, but do not own is: Dream On by Aerosmith.


30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: doing it in April or October.


31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: white roses, sensitivity, remote controls & female tennis players


32. Why won't people: respect other people's right to be different?


33. If you spend the night at my house: I'll set up the coffee so you can turn it on when you wake up. Don't expect to see me before 9 a.m.


34. I'd stop my wedding for: my sister's inevitable late arrival (love you, SK!).


35. The world could do without: greed and suffering.


36. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: go bluewater sailing. I like my feet on solid dry land or, at a minimum, to have land in sight.


37. My favorite blonde is: Heather Locklear. Meow. I don't care if she's a natural blonde or not.


38. Paper clips are more useful than: toenails, among other things.


39. If I do anything well, it's: behaving self-indulgently.


40. And by the way: if you are paying attention, you'll notice we really are everywhere.

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