October 4, 2006

Reflection Unbecoming

I did something completely radical.
I shaved off my eyebrows.

No, of course I didn't. But I feel like it sometimes. In moments of fury. Fucking eyebrows need almost daily maintenance. Tweezers be damned! I never signed on for this.

And how about these damned age spots? The ones on my face? What the fuck is up with that? It's got me seriously contemplating wearing makeup. Lots of it. I yearn to slather my face with cosmetic concoctions thick and rich enough to offer at least a vague promise of fully concealing those demoralizing spots. Age spots. On my face! Oh the unmitigated horror.

Let's not even go near the topic of the wrinkles on my neck. Only Wendy can go near them. Because when she's near my neck I'm not thinking about how wrinkled it looks when I see it in a mirror.

She needs to stay there. Near my neck.
Aging gracefully evidently requires props.



Anonymous said...

Age gracefully???

Screw that!

I'm aging rapidly... and I'm not going quietly.

Gina said...

I've often wished I could walk around everywhere carrying one of those "halo" effect lights so that I could look perfect all the time.

Sunshine said...

I have adam uni-brow that I hate. Sometimes I go crunchtastic and free, looking like some crazy Puerto Rican chic (which I am anyway). Other times, I get all dolled up and do my eyebrows and look half-way decent.

No worries about the age spots yet, I don't even have my first crow's foot. Sorry...


Anonymous said...

Ah, they eyebrows. I've had to "sculpt" them since college when someone joked that I'd soon look like Leonid Brezhnev.

Middle Girl said...

My gray hairs appear at the hairline and are quite un-ruly, even more since I went short. If they would lie down, quiet and respecftul like the brownish hairs, I would be more inclined to keep them. But they won't cooperate, so, they have to go-every three to four weeks.

Anonymous said...

Honey, we're going to make a dynamic duo. This post has had a quite calming effect on me this afternoon, for reasons I'm sure you can appreciate. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I have given shaving off my eyebrows much thought as of late. Pretty much everytime I lookk in the mirror and realize I could crochet a cap out of my eyebrow hair!

Eyes for Lies said...

Too funny. You picked on my two biggest complaints. I have wild eyebrows -- crazy and unruly -- dark and vast! And those damn age spots -- sun spots -- oh I have three nearly the size of dimes -- and do I hate them LOL! UHHHH.

Props. Yes, why didn't I think of that? No where is thy hubby when I need him?

clammy said...

Props... LOL. Yes, where are the props when you need them? And, the fact that they're called liver spots... ugh. I have no idea how I stumbled on your blog but I enjoy reading it.

sporksforall said...

Shave em off. Go ahead. Then laser the area.

Then get eyebrow tattoos. Make sure those are interestingly shaped. Maybe in the shape of little clouds. Or teeny recumbent puppies.

Taradharma said...

I had very good success getting those damned spots off my face with some laser surgery. Took care of a lot of 'em, and then of course I got sloppy about using sunscreen and now have a bunch more in new places (even my nose!) I'll get them lasered off as well. "Liver Spots." Ick. They make me feel like an old lady.

Wassup with all the new CHIN HAIRS, is what I want to know?!?

KMae said...

I just finished reading "I Feel Bad About My Neck" by Nora Ephron. I was great, a short little book about the agony of aging. She IS funny!
My eyebrows take so long to do, they are totally screwy at this point.
Did I mention my mirror is 8X? cripes!