July 27, 2005

Pick a Date, Any Date

Heterosexual couples have it easy. Their anniversary date is defined by long-standing tradition: the date of their marriage. Along the path to said wedding, they may have other "special" days they celebrate. Afterward, the daily grind of life as a married couple with an "official" anniversary may wear out the novelty and romance of those other "special" days. But they'll always have their anniversary, their real anniversary, the anniversary of their wedding date.

Wendy and I have discussed what date constitutes our anniversary. Since our union has not been blessed by any religious rite or government recognition, we have no standing tradition upon which to define our special day. Our ideas encompass the far-out silly to more socially conformed choices.

We get hung up on what "traditional" means for homosexual couples. Is there such a thing? If so, we have not yet been made privy to the secret. And that, my friends, is a major freaking oversight. We have been inner sanctum homosexuals for a long long time. We've actually written a chapter in the Official Guide to Homosexual Relationships (wanna guess the title of our chapter?).

I so don't want to use our first date, because it was just that, a date. Oh sure, it was a very significant date. Despite my usually poor memory, I can recall just about every minute of it. But it was like a week before my birthday. Heaven forbid special occasions, particularly occasions that tend to the gift-giving variety, are scheduled too close together.

How about the date of our first kiss? Believe it or not, we didn't kiss for quite a while after we started dating. Oh yes. We were quite chaste and proper. It just about killed us. And because I was so distracted with the concentration required to NOT rush into that first kiss, I truly cannot remember the exact date our lips first met. I do, however, remember the most recent time our lips met and it was just as enticing as the first. Ain't love grand?

The first time we slept together? That seems too personal a date to use. The day we started living together? That's got potential, but it cuts almost a year off the time I really feel we have been a couple. Well. I think it cuts off almost a year but since we can't figure out when our anniversary is, I don't know for sure. Perhaps the day we knew we'd be a couple forever? That presents an interesting puzzle. I feel like I've always known we'd be a couple forever.

Maybe none of this matters.
Maybe every day is our anniversary.

PS: Two things got me thinking about anniversaries and dates and other such trivia: Max and Elizabeth's ceremony and Weese and her wife celebrating twenty years together. Congrats to all of them with wishes for many more to follow!



Melodee said...

We've actually written a chapter in the Official Guide to Homosexual Relationships (wanna guess the title of our chapter?).

"Clean Sheet and Shaved Legs: Keeping Romance Alive"?

SassyFemme said...

We celebrate two different dates. The first being when we started our life together; much like moving in together, but Fran flew up north to me, and then we drove to TX together. The other is a year later when we had a commitment ceremony. When people ask how long we've been together we'll tell them 12 years, (which is when she flew up to me). We tend to only celebrate the date of our commitment ceremony. It's strange, I know.

weese said...

We finally just picked a date. It gave us a reason to go out to dinner. We have been toying with the idea of civil union..but if we actually do anything like that - we have agreed to do it on that date. Less to remember :D

Sam said...

It can also be difficult for heterosexual couples who decide not to marry. When people ask how long they've been together, what do they say? If they aren't married, does it still count?

Like you said in the post, if you only count from the wedding date forward, you lose the time spent together before the wedding (or commitment ceremony). Regardless of whom you choose for a partner, same sex or opposite sex, the wedding date should not have to be the only way of celebrating your time together. And when you're that much in love, time is irrelevant. You may have been together for two years, but it feels like you've known each other a lifetime.

Katie said...

We just had this conversation with two friends two nights ago. How timely! They are straight, just got "married" officially, but still use the date of the first date, more than five years ago. (They have two kids too-- Beautiful kids.) We've used the date of our first kiss, but the ceremony anniversary is coming up to one year in a week and half. We've talked about which date we'll celebrate, and being us, it will be both. But our friend insisted she was keeping the "kiss anniversary" not the ceremony one. More romantic, she says. Which is really very sweet.

Pisces75 said...

I have been thinking about anniversary dates lately. JC and I will celebrate 10 years of being together before celebrating our 1 year wedding anniversary. I kinda feel cheated having to start back at 1. I think we might still celebrate the date we first "got together".

elswhere said...

We have 2 dates too: our first date, and our commitment ceremony. We had our legal Vancouver wedding on the 5th anniversary of the commitment ceremony because there was no way we were going to be able to keep track of one more date.

Unknown said...

I am still waiting on the Gay/Lesbian Handbook to arrive at my door for puzzles like these.

Sarah here, nice to meet you.