June 18, 2006

Doggie Treat Distribution

I'm here to inform the unknowing masses: Wendy and I spoil our dogs. Relentlessly. What's the point in having critters around the house if you're not going to spoil them?

Wait. Let me qualify that. Invited critters get spoiled. Uninvited critters are unceremoniously shown the door, usually by Wendy as I whine and do my helpless female act, hopping around like a Mexican jumping bean or standing on a chair shrieking urgent instruction. But really. I am capable of removing that humongous hairy spider from the office, but I surely do prefer someone else do it.

It all balances out though. I'm better with mice. It's completely irrelevant that mice don't frequent our abode. If they did, I'd willingly escort them out and give them a gentle farewell pat on the head. Of course I would, without doubt.

Meanwhile, our dogs get the royal treatment. To wit, the doggie treat jar. We keep it filled with a wide assortment of tasty nibbles for our canine brethren. The jar occupies a position of honor on a shelf adjacent the back door. Each time our sweet pups come in from a jaunt outside, they expectantly assume alert positions and await a distribution from the jar. Pavlov's subjects had nothing on our dogs.

Dog treats come in many different sizes, shapes and textures. We take great pleasure choosing a worthy assortment at the pet store. Oh yes. Dog treat shopping is serious business.

I'm always quite careful to present the same type treat to each dog. I'll alternate crunchy or chewy, small or large, but both dogs get the same type. I try not to give them the same treat two times in a row. Sometimes I have to forage around in the container to come up with two that match, but I never fail to do so. It only seems fair. The guilt would wrack me unmercifully if I were to, say, give Pixie a small treat and Dudley a large, or vice verse.

(Imagine my shock and dismay upon discovering my dear girlfriend does not follow the same stringent code of treat distribution. Evidently she just reaches into the jar and grabs whatever comes to hand and dispenses them without thought to equality. How does she sleep at night!?)

Now, this part could be my imagination. Yet when smallish treats are presented, I find it impossible to interpret the resultant doggie glances as anything but reproving. Especially from Dudley, our basset hound. There is just no mistaking reproach on the face of a basset!

Bigger evidently is better.
Oh the things we learn from our dogs.



Middle Girl said...

Fair and equitable right down to tasty treats for the pampered pets-what a gal. :)

WenWhit said...

Actually, I do give thought to the treat selection... it's just based on not making my basset boy fat rather than equality. :)

weese said...

actually - dogs do not live in a democracy and such things actually make them uncomfortable.
that said - our Free Dog is completely and utterly spoiled. she not only gets dog treats - but gets tastes of most of what we eat as well.
see what happens when the kids grow up.

sporksforall said...

When I lived in D.C. I had a friend who occasionally house sat for people who had wild voles who lived in the walls. He was instructed to NOT to touch or harm the voles. It was off-putting to enter the kitchen and find the voles eating crackers. Full of attitude.

the determined dieter said...

Now, the whole day I'll be thinking of you giving a mouse "a gentle farewell pat on the head."

With traps, you don't have to pat them.

Suzanne said...

Equal treats do not a democracy make! I am the Supreme Ruler in Charge of Treats and All Good Things for Doggies! My benevolent nature compels me to dispense them evenly, whether the pups are comfortable with the notion or not.

As for the voles eating crackers in the kitchen... well... I'm not that benevolent. They too would be shown the door.

But sans traps! It's much more fun to chase such things around with a broom. :)

Teresa said...

If only someone were always around offering me treats every time I went outside, came inside, made water, etc. Still waiting for this miracle. I enjoy dark chocolate as well as apples and peanut butter.

Taradharma said...

oh, snap! Nurse Pam!

I love the treat jar. I'm having trouble finding a suitable treat for the newest baby, Tug. She is a gassy lil' mutt and whoa does she stink! But yes, if a treat is given to one, it must be given to the other, otherwise doggie feelings would be deeply hurt and that is never a good thing.