February 27, 2005

Something to Talk About

It was an act of self-sacrifice born from a need for social inclusion.
At least in the beginning it was.

"We have to watch American Idol" Wendy rather resignedly informed me as last season began.

Turns out at her office, keeping up with that series is essential to the lunchroom conversation experience. (I don't have lunchroom conversation at my place of employ and envy lunch at Wendy's office. They gather in the conference room at the same time to eat and gossip and bond. They even share condiments!)

So we watched. Faithfully. We adored La Toya, enjoyed Diana, endured Fantasia and detested Camile.

The one thing we did not do was vote. I mean folks, really. Even I have a line. More than one even. I'll only be a sheep to a point. Complexico superiorial. Totally.

Fast forward to this season. Last season we only had to block out one hour on two weekday nights. This season has changed. This season it is on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday for several weeks.

Think about that just for a second. Three consecutive weeknights we have to be home in front of the television set for an hour.

And oh, we will be there.
It has become an odd irresistible compulsion.

Help me.



Anonymous said...

Run, don't walk to your nearest library.

A cautionary tale: my dad was a big reader. Bookes filled our home, and the tv was rarely on. What IS this crap? he would say as he turned off the tv.

I hadn't noticed until my ever-absent sister visited that he watches tv ALL THE TIME now, and rarely reads.

Last week he donated 25 boxes of books to the library so he could house his DVD collection.

And I caught him watching The Apprentice. It's all over but the mourning.

Elizabeth said...

No one can help you, my dear, unless you truly want to help yourself.

In the meantime, while you waste away with the single-celled, amorphous, slimy, plankton eating minions who also share your depraved addiction, I give you 3 steps in the best-selling, 12 step program 'American Idol: Reclaim Your Life and Get Rich While Selling Repossessed Houses!'

Step 1. Write this on a posty note and repeat it on an hourly basis: 'The brain...it's for thinking!'
Step 2. When entering the tv room say this over and over again: 'I do believe in ghosts. I do. I do. I do.' (It will help if you can say it like the Cowardly Lion.)
Step 3. Before you turn on 'the show' run (don't walk...very important) to the telephone. Call 911 and scream, "I CAN'T STOP. I'M GOING TO TURN ON THE TV. HELP ME! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND CUTE LITTLE FUZZY BUNNY RABBITS, HELP ME! The police will come and take you to jail. Incarceration will give you time to think about your actions.

I do hope this will help release you from the chains of your abject misery and allow you to heal. May little baby Jesus bless you.

MsT said...

I know - three nights is just ridiculous! Here's what you do. 1. Put a blank tape in and set the VCR. 2. Prepare and eat dinner 3. Watch one hour of TV in 45 minutes. (Of course, this may not work for you right-coasters. We get AI at 7PM).

TexMexSol said...

I feel your pain! My partner told me the same thing at the beginning of this season (but with a little more joy in her voice, unfortunately). So, I dutifully sat by her side to watch. About half way through the first show, I went and got a book, sat back down, and now that's how I enjoy American Idol!