I love my sister.
But right now, I resent the hell out of her.
I love my step-siblings. Mostly.
But right now, I resent the hell out of them.
Yes oh yes, I am stewing in a large kettle of resentment, best enjoyed with a shot of good tequila. Make that three shots. Three shots of tequila ought to adjust my attitude nicely.
Yet I don't resent The Boy. In fact I'd like to distance him from the painful reality that is my mother's, and subsequently my own, life right now. I don't want to lean on him. I just want him to enjoy being young. Am I cheating him out of an important developmental milestone?
Familial obligation. Where does it start and where, for the love of all that is good in the world, does it end? My greatest fear right now is that something will happen to my dad and/or his wife or to Wendy's parents. I have reached my limit---anything more and my head will assplode.
Which is where my resentment of my siblings takes root: where the fuck are they and why are they leaving Wendy and me to tend to this situation on our own? I don't give a shit about their pitiful reasons or rationale or excuses, no matter how reasonable or rational or worthy said excuses may be. Not that many have even been offered.
Fuckers. Selfish fuckers wrapped up in their own worlds unwilling to recognize or acknowledge the need to step it up and pitch in.
Eh. That's not very fair, is it? With my sister at least, I know it's not unwillingness. She is just physically unable. Horribly bad timing, yes, yet how can I resent her for that? I don't know, but I do.
Tequila. It's what's for breakfast.
"If I get it all down on paper,
it's no longer inside of me
threatening the life it belongs to" --- "Breathe" by anna nalick
There's that damned song again.
Every time I turn around it speaks to me.
But you know what?
It's offers timely advice.
I feel better already.