August 28, 2005

Tender Nipples

Ah moving day! College students are heading to campuses all over the country. The Boy is no exception, his junior year about to begin. He, however, will not arrive back on the east coast until Monday morning. Classes start on Tuesday. Good thing he has parental pack mules to haul his crap to his new apartment, yes?

Do you drive a mini-van? If so, please accept my condolences. There is no excitement in driving a mini-van, except perhaps if it is loaded with a pack of screaming children. Yet our thanks go out to Tina who loaned us hers to carry a goodly portion of The Boy's motley collection of furniture down south. They do hold an incredible amount of stuff. For practicality, mini-vans rule.

We got a late start, unsuccessful at shrugging off our usual Saturday morning lethargy. Before we knew it it, it was 10:00 am and we were still in our pajamas. The van and truck were not yet packed. Not bothering to dress, we frantically sprang into action.

It happened to Wendy first. She was moving items around in the basement and a hook on one of said items snagged her right nipple, almost ripping it from her breast giving it a goodly sharp yank. Truly I was empathetic, murmuring compassionately while struggling not to giggle out loud as she bounced from foot to foot, clutching her breast with both hands.

Then it was my turn. Wendy stood in back of the van pushing as I pulled from inside to manuever parts for The Boy's bed into the van. Somehow my right nipple got caught between the bed frame and the back of the seat. Wendy kept pushing because she didn't hear me silently gasping. Gasping, pushing. More gasping, more pushing. Sounds a bit like childbirth, doesn't it? I assure you, having experienced both, having one's nipple caught in a vicelike situation is by far the more painful.

It dawned on us that brassieres are not just a mere fashion statement, they are vital to nipple safety!

The rest of the trip was non-eventful. Driving, unpacking, sipping margaritas, shopping, more unpacking. I'm pleased to report there were no further nipple injuries.



Career Guy said...

Well if the NSA (Nipple Safety Administration) needs a poster child, I'll be happy to nominate you.

I remember hauling our kids' stuff around. I remember liking doing that because I could relive my own college moments, kind of feeling envious of how their adventures were just beginning. Glad you made it without any more incidents.

weese said...

As a former family van owner I can say I completely and utterly loved my van. So practical. Not sure how we will move Ferris to college in the new covertible...o well.
After reading the first sentence I thought Tender Nipples was to be some deep, profound commentary on sending your child off to school ...looking back to weaning him as a baby... blah blah.
But instead... simply good advice. When moving heavy things, wear protection. Saftey first.

The Scarlet Pervygirl said...

I can't imagine *not* wearing a bra with structured . . . no, that's not the word; what do they call them? like, foam cups that aren't padded, but not like just fabric? Gah! I can't think of the name!

Anyway. I wear bras to sleep in, even. The boobs are very big, and they, particularly the left one, become very unhappy when not harnessed.

So did Wendy laugh a vindicated laugh when you suffered karmic nipple damage, or was she the better woman?

Eyes for Lies said...

Yikes! That's too funny...but certainly not FUN.

Bent Fabric said...


Northern_Girl said...

You are very brave - going sans bra. Very. I finally had a chance to look around your site and - just wanted to say thanks for posting reference links to HTML shortcuts. I need all the help I can get!

Jamie Marie said...

We moved one of my sons in at college 2 weeks ago. No nipple accidents; neary died of heat stroke though! His room is on the 3rd floor of the dorm. Someone brilliantly decided this dorm needed no elevator. It was 94 outside with a heat index of 105. Hotter than 40 hells!! Come on now, 30 grand a year and they can't put in an elevator??!! Crap!