June 6, 2004

So it's not all supposed to be about pets dying but that seems the theme of our lives this summer. Detail we know about. Cosine, while the same age, has always seemed rather immortal to me. Aged, but going strong. Seems that may not be the case. Figero has also been a constant and I fully expect him to be around forever (I like to fool myself because then I don't have to think about the alternative). Medicine has always seemed rather mysterious and not particularly reliable to me. Kinda like voodoo but with a basis in science. I've never trusted science. While logical, it's too variable. This MAY happen, but then again it may not. This should work, but might not. Let's just try it and see. Life as one big science experiment.

So Detail's definitely on his way out. He's just waiting for us to make the determination that his quality of life is no longer worth living. I do not like playing god. It's just wrong.

Figero, seemingly recovered from the blood parasite (WTF?) which just about killed him a few months ago, is still on steroids and who knows what effect that is having on his being. A cat can most likely live a very long time with no hair on his ears, so what am I worried about?

This weekend Cosine is showing signs of something not quite right. Maybe something seriously not right. We're in for more tests and trial and error treatment and who the hells knows what else. The only certainty is that our checkbooks will get a workout and Cosine will still die at some point.

Three pets nearing the end of their lives within a year of the only human child leaving for college is just piss poor planning. I pride myself on thinking ahead and laying out strategies and good plans. Why did I not consider the timing of their deaths as the decisions to have them join the family were made? I won't make that same mistake again. I'll think ahead to 10, 15, 20 years down the road and extrapolate where our lives will be as any new pet may be nearing the end of theirs. My foresight will, of course, be accurate and reliable. Fuck that "best laid plans" shit. I'm gonna get it right.

Yes I am the model of rational thinking and practicality. Emotion should remain where it belongs: secondary to the business of living.

Did I mention I'm good at fooling myself?

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